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Latvian Armoured Cars for Dictators

Karolis MAKRICKAS


The dismal days when the mafia and sheikhs were driving black Mercedes cars have ended. Now, if you want to stand out, you need an armoured "Dartz" all-terrain vehicle, so that losers could die of envy eyeing your luxury and so that enemies and deceived business partners could not hunt you down with missiles and mines.


The good news is that in order to buy such a car, you don’t need to travel to the other end of the world or to look for a dictator who is selling his property for a mere trifle as the gallows approaches. It is sufficient to get to the Latvian brothers in Riga.


The "Dartz" company  is headquartered in the "Russo-Baltique" factory, which used to manufacture armoured vehicles for the Russian tsars in the old days and also contributed to the invention of the helicopter. As the company’s representatives say, they do not care at all about what your requirements are, since they are ready to implement all of them and surprise you. Still, no work will commence unless you open up your wallet and show them that no winds are blowing through it. How much should you have? Well, if your option is not a basic version, then there should be at least 1 million Euro in your pocket.


When cooperatives were allowed to be founded in the Soviet Union in 1988, this offer was immediately snatched up by Leonard Yankelovich, thus giving birth to the "Dartz" company. According to the founder and the company’s current representative, the inspiration to create armoured cars arose after heavy vodka drinking following all the best traditions of Russian mentality. An interesting thing about this whole miraculous story is not only that Leonard himself boasts that he has never been a car mechanic of any kind (and therefore knows little about machinery), but also that he has no driver’s licence, which means that he cannot drive any of the steel horses that he creates.


Art


Each product made by "Dartz" is art, which Leonard considers to be tantamount to the famous Fabergé eggs: not everybody is so rich and not everybody can show real appreciation for a luxurious armoured car in terms of art. Besides, all cars are different. If the owners of two luxury "Bugatti Veyron" cars ever met, the differences between their cars, in most cases, would not be impressive, whereas in the case of a "Dartz", several different accessories and options exist, and much more is available for an extra amount of money. So the buyer that Leonard is aiming at is something between the rapper Lil Wayne and a Saudi Arabian prince, though both extremes are possible.


Quite recently, the rapper Kanye West and his lovely wife Kim Kardashian decided to renew their car fleet. The "DARTZ Prombron Iron Diamond" car, which was assembled based upon the "Mercedes-Benz" G-Class, cost the rapper 400,000. Twice this amount was spent on the car’s extra armour and its salon interior. But because he could not manage to reach agreement with his wife on the desired colour, the rapper decided that he would buy two cars with the same set of equipment instead. After the purchase, 2.4 million was dropped into the "Dartz" bank account.


Besides, a "Dartz Prombron" car can often be seen on the big screen as well. For instance, in the movie "A Good Day To Die Hard", this all-terrain vehicle was used to hunt down Bruce Willis all throughout Moscow. Whereas a bit earlier, in last year’s impressive cinema masterpiece, this gold-plated car was driven by the Wadiyan dictator and all-beloved repressor, Aladeen. If it is namely a golden "Dartz" car  that you want, the price starts at 1.2 million Litas.


Equipment


Each "Dartz" car can be primarily chosen as a pseudo-sedan or a pseudo-platform van. As previously mentioned, the choice of optional equipment is almost unlimited; you just have to have the money. For instance, only one "Dartz" car in the entire world has a jacuzzi, whereas another one has a royal-style bed. In the meantime, other owners of these cars want as much armour as possible, so that even an indirect nuclear explosion would cause the least amount of damage as possible. Besides, all the cars are equipped by default with a black box – just like on aircraft. So, should the armour happen to be breached, the boss’s last swear-words will surely be recorded.


The most expensive "Dartz" car sold with the greatest number of accessories went to China – it cost its owner 7,000,000.


According to the company’s representatives, Russians always buy black cars, Arabians – white cars, whereas golden, glittering and shimmering cars are chosen by rappers. It is namely for them that special golden alloy wheels whose shape resembles AK-47 ammunition are manufactured.


It is also worthwhile mentioning that this armoured all-terrain vehicle is not only one of the safest in the world, but also the fastest. The maximum speed is 180 km/h (about 110 mph) which is an excellent result for a tank weighing 4 tons.


Armour


A separate topic here is the car’s protection, which exists in several options, starting with the lightest level, B2, and ending with the most complex, B7+. Moreover, the car can be equipped with cameras pointed in all directions as well as with various explosive sensors. And, if it’s very necessary, even an anti-missile defence system.


Unlike those made by other manufacturers, this car is delivered already shielded and protected and, therefore, is much safer than those that, just after having been manufactured, are fitted with armour plating. Once, an armour technology was devised in the Soviet Union called "The Capsule": first, a kind of armoured capsule for the passengers is constructed, and then it is surrounded with the car’s components. The weight of a "Dartz" car manufactured with all possible protection reaches 8 tons.


Even the bulletproof glass selected for the car is special – it’s the same type that’s protecting tourists from the odour of Lenin, who is lying in Red Square.


Do you still doubt whether it is worth buying one? Maybe you will be encouraged by the fact that each car buyer gets a golden pistol and a small golden bottle of vodka as a present!

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